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Join My Survivalist Registry

A friend of mine recently received a call from his mother. She asked him for money. No, her home wasn’t in foreclosure. No, she didn’t need the money because of a lost job or because unemployment checks were about to end. This woman isn’t even being forced out of a comfortable retirement to take a humiliating low wage job. My friend’s mother wanted the money to stock up on survival supplies because she thought Obama was going to destroy the country by this January.

This elderly woman, and millions of other Americans with the same plan, will hole up by herself with her ammunition and her frozen peas and her canned fruit in luxury while she anticipates and relishes the collapse of Obama’s America. All you have to do is sign up for a twitter account and start searching keywords like #IAMTHEMOB and #RIGHTWINGNUTS and you’ll find that people like this are not shy. They’re unapologetic and absolutely positive that Obama’s actions since his inauguration, and his actions alone, are rapidly destroying our country and our way of life.

I’m not sure how people that were patriotic Americans just one year ago could fall to such depths of anti-American surreality just because the opposite party is in power. The anti-Americanism displayed by liberals during the Bush years was vicious, but this seems like these “Great Americans” are actually hoping for the large “Liberal” population centers to collapse and start killing each other so that real Americans can take their country back.

Just check out sites like and and and you’ll find people that believe Obama has an insidious plan to destroy the country. In fact, a majority of the GOP base believes Obama is not doing this out of good intentions. They believe he wants to crush America like some subversive foreign agent planted as President. This means that complete Republican opposition in Washington DC is not enough for GOP voters; Obama must be stopped. Well, Obama is obviously not being stopped and many Americans are taking the next step and preparing for the destruction of their country.

The best example of this sentiment comes from where one individual claims “I prepare to survive because I’m ultra conservative, at times feeling like an endangered species or “minority” and I’m tenaciously defiant to those who would like to see my “kind” exterminated. I am equipped with a few trusted friends that are peers in regard my views (though mostly surrounded by sheeple) and have inspired some to begin to prepare. I discern a negative spiritual force is taking action to see my country’s sovereignty given away. I am motivated to be a hindrance to that spirit. My country is worth saving.”

I never would’ve have thought there would ever be enough factionalism to divide this country again, but some people aren’t waiting. They’re self fulfilling this prophecy of theirs and they’ve got the machine gun laden bunkers stocked with Tang and Romen noodles to prove it.

Personally, I think that communality is the best survival trait. Being willing to horde resources and kill anyone who threatens them is definitely one way to survive. It always has been. However, the most successful survival tactic is the ability to work with others to survive.

In that light, I’ve discovered how I will survive the apocalypse if it ever comes. I’m going to take a tour of all the survivalist bastions I can find. I know I’ll gain food, supplies and assorted ammunition, if I “hit” these places up. In fact, I’m going to start up a “survivalist registry” and that’ll be my ticket to anything I need when the end time comes. Those that work as a community to survive (those commies!) will probably be harder targets and I’ll have to bypass them, but the hoarding loners and holdouts like my friend’s mom will be easy pickings as far as I’m concerned.

I’m sure many will respond to this intentionally humorous statement by saying “Praise the lord and pass the ammunition”, but I hope they understand that ammunition has a tendency to run out when you’re surrounded.

If you wish to sign up for my survivalist registry, please leave a comment with your name - scratch that, I don’t care what your name is - just leave me your address and I’ll take care of the rest when the time comes.

For those of you that don’t think the world will come crashing down around your ears anytime soon, please feel free to leave a normal comment.

Posted by Frederick S. Friedman at October 28, 2009 2:42 AM