September 16, 2005
Let's Move the Big DC to the Big Easy!
I was deeply saddened last night as I watched George II address the nation from the ghost town that used to be New Orleans. It looks like the American taxpayers are going to have to foot the bill for governmental incompetence yet again.
Oh well.
But wait a minute! When life deals you a lemon, you make lemonade. Since New Orleans is going have to be rebuilt with federal money anyway, why don't we just move the nation's capital down there? Lock, stock and pork barrel. I mean if we've got to pay for it, why don't we at least get the best of both worlds?
Think about it. The two cities are virtually indistinguishable as it is. When you consider American cities known for their high-class hookers, drunken businessmen, profligate spending, horrific slums, incompetent governments, expensive meals, lousy football teams, chronic gambling, promiscuous sex, rampant crime and tacky tourists, which city comes to mind first? New Orleans or Washington? I'd say it's a toss up. Washington is just New Orleans without the music.
So here you have it:
The Top Ten Reason We Should Move the Capital of the United States to New Orleans
10. Ted Kennedy would never have to leave town.
9. Bill O'Reilly would praise Tom DeLay for introducing legislation to ban the muffuletta as a deviant sexual practice.
8. The EEO would force the city to change Fat Tuesday into Weight Challenged Tuesday.
7. George Bush is convinced that putting the State Department in the French Quarter would help him get the support of France for his invasion of Iran.
6. The Vampire Lestat could segue effortlessly into his new career as a corporate lobbyist.
5. Dick Cheney, Bill Frist and Herb Kohl would get a big kick out of the highly ironic new menu item from the Senate cafeteria: The Po' Boy.
4. Storyville is the ideal location for the Bill Clinton Presidential Library and Wet T-Shirt Contest.
3. The Supreme Court building could be renamed "Constitutional Preservation Hall."
2. Drunken congressmen would be embarrassed when they accidentally pass "The Live Sex Act".
1. The new Marti Gras motto: "Show us your tax breaks!"
Posted by Chuck Hanrahan at September 16, 2005 04:26 PMChuck,
Do you seriously think the American people would support rebuilding and strengthening the levee system or address global warming, if in fact it’s responsible for the increase and severity of hurricanes if We put the U.S. capital in New Orleans?
Hell no!
I think your idea is excellent, and since none of them are weighted down with things like souls or brains, they should, in theory, float better than the rest of us.
Posted by: Andre M. Hernandez at September 16, 2005 05:28 PM
The entire world is deeply sad as they keep watching George II addressing the nation. For how long?
Posted by: Diogo at September 16, 2005 05:47 PMSeriously, the deficit and national debt are going to be another Katrina victim which will continue to suffer for decades along with all workers paying taxes from this point on. Anyone notice state and property taxes have already well exceeded the tax cuts Bush gave to working folks? American voters don’t know self interest from their A-Hole.
Posted by: David R. Remer at September 16, 2005 05:53 PMOther reasons:
When the dollar becomes goes belly up, we can pay China with Mardi Gras beads.
The public can walk straight from the halls to Congress into Bourbon Street to drown their sorrows.
We’re all singing the Blues anyhow.
It’s the right place for voodoo economics.
Louisiana has long been the capital of tody’s Washington-style politics.
Oil and nutty krewe escapades are the only basis for federal politics.
We’re all going to wake up with a massive hangover from the Bush years anyway.
Posted by: Reed Sanders at September 16, 2005 06:47 PMReed,
“When the dollar becomes goes belly up, we can pay China with Mardi Gras beads.”
Yeah, but they’ll have to show us their boobs first.
Posted by: Rocky at September 16, 2005 07:04 PMGood ones Reed, especially the one about voodoo economics - wish I’d thought of it.
Posted by: Chuck Hanrahan at September 16, 2005 07:28 PMThanks, Chuck. Loved yours, too.
One last one (they’re like eating popcorn; it’s hard to stop).
> George W. is a shoe-in for the role of Willie Stark in the next remake of All the King’s Men.
Posted by: Reed Sanders at September 16, 2005 08:25 PMAhem. shoo-in. I’m just not spelling well today.
Posted by: Reed Sanders at September 16, 2005 08:30 PMWe’re all going to wake up with a massive hangover from the Bush years anyway.
You really think so? Aren’t you giving Americans too much credit? Reagan f’d the country up good and they honored him like a saint.
Posted by: Taylor at September 16, 2005 09:16 PMOnly cause Slick Willie could make a mean Bloody Mary.
Posted by: Reed Sanders at September 16, 2005 10:02 PMMore Americans would be able to find the new Distric of Columbia on a map.
Posted by: Stephanie at September 17, 2005 12:12 PMReally a good idea. That way when the next hurricane hits it’ll wash all the politicians out to sea and we can start to get some real leadership in government.
BTW, we won’t let anyone involved in government leave until after the hurricane.
Very funny Chuck, reminds me of those who want to move DC to Key West
Posted by: Mike T. at September 18, 2005 12:56 PMExcellent Idea Chuck: I have to go to DC on business quite a bit. I’d love to fly into New Orleans instead. They could tear down the Supderdome and house both the Congress and the President in the same location. That way, they might actually talk to each other occassionally.
Besides, The Hurricanes at Pat O’brien’s are terrific.
Posted by: Dennis at September 18, 2005 05:53 PMI have one.
Like the Saints, the government sucks when they’re in the big game(When it counts).
Posted by: Andre M. Hernandez at September 19, 2005 10:55 AMMorning All:
I’ll bet that if David Duke or any other member of the GOP, was the Governor we’d be throwing Mega Millions at Lousianna, But since the Governor is A Democrat, a female Democrat at that, Bushco just looks at them and smiles, a week or ten days later, Once everything is settled, he visits. Now if Lousianna Were Florida, The entire state would have been evacuated at least 3 days in advance of the impending doom and put up across Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas , you get the idea. FEMA and her crews, would already be in place, ready to move out. Why would Florida be Treated better, Simply put the President has family ties to the people and bank accounts of Florida’s wealthiest citizens.
Of Course “These are only MY HUMBLE OPINIONS”.
As Always,
Wayne
