Third Party & Independents Archives

A Bi-Partisan April Fool's Wish-List

My favorite Democrat, Gregg Easterbrook, has an awesome April Fool’s Wishlist up. Here are a couple of sampled items:

(1) President George W. Bush admitted today that he misled the American people on the reasons for the Iraq war. “No matter what your motives, it can never be right to be dishonest to the public,” Bush told a hushed crowd at a news conference. “I am deeply sorry, and will never fail to tell the truth on any subject again.”

(2) At the Capitol, Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle admitted today that the Democratic Party was trying to keep 9/11 in the news in order to damage the president. “Republicans did not know that attack was coming, Democrats did not know that attack was coming, nobody knew,” Daschle acknowledged. “Endless partisan recriminations only harm the nation, and must end.”

(3) Outside the Senate cloakroom, Ted Kennedy of Massachusetts today apologized "for impugning the character of judicial nominees for political reasons." Looking pained, the senator said that "it's fair to oppose a judicial nominee over substance, but not fair to cast aspersions. I regret doing so and will not do so again."

(4) From his book tour, former White House counterterrorism advisor Richard Clarke said today, "I feel very badly about trying to make myself look good and everyone else look bad." Announcing he would give his book-sale royalties to charity, Clarke added, "It's unseemly to leave office and then promote yourself by stabbing the president in the back. If you disagree with a president's policies, the honorable thing to do is resign in protest, not keep quiet at the time and then profit later."

(5) From Traverse City, Michigan, filmmaker Michael Moore said today, "I want to admit I have been wildly exaggerating my criticisms of the United States in order to build myself up and tear others down." Noting that he was so upset he hadn't eaten in hours, Moore said, "It's right to criticize your country but wrong to mock your country using fabricated or one-sided claims. Where would the cause of freedom be without the United States? From now on I will balance my filmmaking with that knowledge."

(6) In Paris, French President Jacques Chirac praised America as "a beacon of hope in a troubled world"; in Riyadh, Crown Prince Abdullah declared it is "long past time that the Arab world became democratic"; in Israel, the West Bank and Gaza, there was a quiet, uneventful day in which people went about their business and then, when evening fell, met in cafes for conversation. " "

I do not agree with everything on Easterbrook's list, but this guy is exactly what an open minded person looks like. If people could see the flaws in their own side's advocates, perhaps we could get a serious political discourse in this country.

Posted by Misha Tseytlin at April 2, 2004 9:45 AM