December 10, 2003
Born Blond
political satire
I would like to take a moment to talk about racism in this country and the trauma it causes the victim. I am a Blonde-American. For the purpose of this article I will draw a difference between ‘blonde’ with a small ‘b’ and Blonde with a capital ‘B’. Blonde, with a small ‘b’ (unless, as in this case, it’s at the beginning of a sentence) is to refer to the color. Blonde with a capital ‘B’ (also in this case at the beginning of a sentence) will refer to the culture of natural blondes or Blondes as the case may present itself.
Half of the world’s population is Asian. An eighth of the world population is white. Only a very small fraction of them are blonde after infancy. Isn’t it obvious, you might think, that we are a minority? The answer is a resounding yes. However we have no minority rights, nor holiday, not even a meager parade once in a while.
Furthermore Blondes have been subjected to the worst stereotyping. This coupled with the lack of any positive Blonde role models has made the plight of Blondes cluttered with obstacles.
Firstly let us examine the way that Blondes are depicted in our culture. Barbie and Ken, for example, are portrayed as plastic vacuous individuals lacking any real kind of human 'capabilities'. Kelly Bundy is a faux blonde and a perpe-trator of the mindless bimbo image that has been the object of locker room humor for decades. Then there is Miss Piggy, who despite her popularity, is nothing more than a puppet for the oppression of her kind!
The characterizations that have plagued Blondes can be hurtful. Take the myth that we have more fun. There is no scientific basis for such a claim. Blondes don't have any more fun that the rest of the hair colors. This fabrication is just propagated to keep us giggling and therefore not rising up against the establishment.
We have no equality in the work place. Statistics from the nationally prominent organization, Blondes Overtly Offended by Stereotyping (B.O.O.B.S.), reports that a brunette is 6 times more likely to be hired than his/her Blonde counterpart. Yet despite these outrageous figures there has been little or no legislation to eradicate the problem. Affirmative Action has just overlooked this prejudice. We must act now so future generations of Blondes will not have to suffer the same stinging trauma.
My personal story is quite typical and yet still sad. Against all the professional advice of the time I was adopted into a brunette household. I always felt like the blonde sheep of my family. I have come to terms that my parents did the best they could with what they had, but that doesn’t help the mental anguish I endured. I was acutely aware that I was different. My parents encouraged me in fields they thought I would be able to fit into (i.e. flight attendant, gossip program host or the woman-that-stands-next-to-the-show-cars-at-convention-centers). I relay this story only to explain that I was limited at birth. Who knows what I could have done with my life had I been encouraged as brunettes are.
These points and many others are the reason I have chosen to write my second book. It's a scathing satire of the all brunette novel by Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Oppressed and Insulted. He apparently didn't consider Blondes to be either! My motives are simple: I want to let everyone know that we as a people have feelings too and we don’t appreciate being left out.
My first book, as you know, is an account of Blondes in American history and their stories prior the advent of hair bleach. It can be specially ordered by contacting my all Blonde publisher at their website at www.FairBooks.com.
Brunettes as a ruling majority can often be cruel and ignorant when conversing with Blondes. "Some of my best friends are Blondes," they will boast. As if my anger should be pacified by their self-proclaimed open-mindedness. Well, it's not! I'm offended by non-Blondes using the b-word. I intend by my grass roots efforts to take the pejorative connotation out of the term 'Blonde' simply by not letting anyone who isn't Blonde use it without my leering at them. I implore all other Blondes to do the same and then the tide shall turn.
"We are all human beings." That is how a homeless gentleman put it to me this morning while I was walking my blonde and Blonde dog.
"Sir," I inquired,"Are you now, or have you ever been a Blonde?"
"No" he muttered.
"Then what would you know about pain and suffering, Sir? True, I am a human being BUT I have the burden of being a Blonde-American and that’s not even comparable! Educate yourself before you say something so unthinkingly callous!"
If you as a reader would like to enlighten yourself about the Blonde minority and their personal, often-tragic stories please visit my website at www.we-have-the-same-amount-of-fun-as-anyone-else.com.
Posted by at December 10, 2003 07:33 PMBeing a blonde social liberal who supports affirmative action and having been a proud member of the Friends of the NAACP, though I am white, your point is duly noted and I would resend it but that would be redundant.
Excellent piece of writing! And now that Dean is on the Train toward the Whitehouse, you may have a lot more minority rights material to feed your witty keyboard.
Seriously, though, the whole notion that the super wealthy are so, because they worked harder, or were smarter in school, or somehow exerted themselves more than writers, Dr.s, defense attorneys or airplane pilots, junkies, homeless, or young, black, and male urban dwellers, is by far an over simplification.
There is a tremendous amount of circumstance beyond the individual’s control that both accounts for many wealthy being at the right place, at the right time, with the right idea, and the poor and socially handicapped being at the bottom end of the economic scale.
I don’t understand those who believe merit is all that is required to explain why some have, and so many have not, in areas like medical insurance, education, and job access. If only they could spend a week at the St. Joseph’s Indian School and the Lakota Reservation in S. Dakota living as one of them, they would quickly see that circumstances way beyond the control of many, has a lot to do with where folks land on the economic scale.
For a society as wealthy as ours to act as though it has no obligation to help raise living standards for all to the level of equal opportunity to gainful employment, modest but solid housing, access to quality education according to each’s ability, and access to health care is neither compassionate nor ethical in my view. There is a place for minority assistance when structural barriers in the society deny these basics of middle class life. Blondes is stretching it a bit, though :)
Enjoyed your article immensely. Thanks.
Posted by: David R. Remer at December 10, 2003 08:27 PMLeave it to the conservatives to argue how disadvantaged white people are in this country. I mean, take a nice long look at your average executive board, and get back to me on the disadvantages of being white.
When the majority of people in the inner cities are white, get back to me.
When the majority of college graduates are of other races, get back to me on that.
When the college campuses start explicitly excluding the vast majority of white students, lets talk about racism. But if all we’re talking about is foot holds and marginal gains, then I think what this amounts to is the whining of a kid who doesn’t want his parents to force him to share his toys.
I mean, we liberals can saddle ourselves with all kinds of guilt trips, true enough, but we aren’t out their trying to make working class and upper class whites feel put-upon. I think it’s hypocrisy for us to claim such burdens when there are people out there actually suffering for the prejudice of our fathers.
Posted by: Stephen Daugherty at December 12, 2003 12:55 PMWe working stiffs who saved and invested with the goal of retiring early are a true minority, and with inflation and fraud and bilking of taxpayers, we early retirees, should be getting federal stipend added to our dwindling savings accounts. How were we able to predict that by the time we were 50, all that money we worked so hard to accrue would not carry us to 65, let alone 90 years of age? And those of us early retirees who put our savings into Savings & Loans some time back really got screwed and are a faced with having to work again. This is truly not fair. I am 53 and way too old for this working crap anymore. Besides, who wants to hire anyone over 50 anymore anyway? They are just an increased health insurance risk. Nope, we have got to have some help from the gom’nt on this one…
Tina’s piece is satire, and obviously, she is much better at it than I am. It was refreshing to get a bit of levity at WatchBlog with all the heady debate going on here. Tina has another one in the Liberal column. I am not sure what her affiliation is, she seems to be an equal opportunist when it comes to political humor. Looking forward to more of her writing here in all of the columns, myself.
Posted by: David R. Remer at December 12, 2003 04:02 PMMaybe the Dems should get credit for diversity if they nominate Gephardt. No blond pres for quite a while.
I read an interview a while ago with Mick Hucknell, the redhead from Simply Red. He was complaining that the Brit press, which calls him the Ginger Whinger (apparently, whinge=copulate), is obsessed with the his sex life. Hucknell threw me for a loop when he complained about “racism”. As I thought about it, though, red hair is after all, a genetic trait. Maybe people who assume that redheads are tempermental nymphomaniacs really are guilty of racial stereotyping…
Blondes are less than 2% of adult women. Brunettes are 97% of adult women. 59% of adult brunette women bleach their hair. The stereotypical “blonde” is actually a bleached brunette. The millions of “dumb blonde” jokes that exist are directed specifically at the well-known behaviors and attitudes of bleached brunettes and should be renamed and retold so that THEY get the joke. Blondes will no longer tolerate being in a FORCED bullying association with these product-related women. Blondes are actively disassociating from bleached brunettes. Pass it on. carolecox@blondfrombirth.org
Posted by: carol at December 15, 2003 05:56 AMHey, who gave province of this issue over to just women? Male blondes are a minority too, you know, and because they are male, they bald, unlike most women, and therefore, they are an even smaller minority than blonde women. I think Medicare should pick up hair transplants for every balding blonde male, because, having shorter lives, they won’t have long to enjoy it anyway, and it would mean so much to me (ahem.. them).
Posted by: David Remer at December 16, 2003 03:52 PMblondfrombirth.org is a civil rights organization for ALL Blondes, men, women and children. However, for every joke against Blond men there are probably ten thousand against Blonde women.
Posted by: carol at January 29, 2004 09:40 PM
