Democrats & Liberals Archives

New Sexually Transmitted Disease

My wife emailed me the following warning. She recieved notice of this warning from someone affiliated with: I do not know who authored the warning but thought that is was serious enough to pass on here.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has issued a warning about a
new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease. The disease is contracted through dangerous
and high-risk behavior.

The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim and pronounced "gonna re-elect him."
Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for the past
four years.

Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include: anti-social
personality disorders, delusions of grandeur with messianic overtones, extreme cognitive
dissonance, inability to incorporate new information, pronounced xenophobia and paranoia, inability to accept responsibility for own actions, cowardice masked by misplaced bravado,
uncontrolled facial smirking, ignorance of geography and history, tendencies towards
evangelical theocracy, categorical all-or-nothing behavior.

Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease
originated only a few years ago from a bush found in Texas.

Posted by Ray Guest at October 17, 2006 1:17 PM
Comment #188580

The Center of Disease Control also issued an alert for an old Disease that has invaded the bodies of Anti-Americans in the past 6 years called Liberalism.Its a Disease that attacks the Brain first and then the Spine.The first known case can be traced to John Kerry then spread through Hollywood like a wild fire.Now Important People Like Nancy Polosi,Harry Reid and John Murtha Are Termanal with this Disease.The Only Cure for this Disease is to wipe out Liberal Democrats at the Polls on November the Seventh.If this continues to spread the Only Cure could be Growing a Beard and wearing a Turban.So on Election Day 2006 Vote Republican and help save Man Kind from this Life Threatning Disease.

Posted by: PETRO at October 17, 2006 1:52 PM
Comment #188581

What is it with the Bushes from Texas? They gave us a good “Rum-job”, “Dick-ed” us around for a while, and now I find out that about 40% of us may never be the same ever again?

What do we do? Send in the democrats to give them “Hill”? Or buy some topical cream and hope to avoid the cavity search at the airport?

Posted by: Kevin23 at October 17, 2006 1:55 PM
Comment #188583

Oh Petro…

My first reaction to reading this post was that some clever person would try and make up a disease of their own. I kept thinking that “Clintonitus” would be the obvious choice. While my expectations were met, they were certainly not satisfied. Your attempt at humor has completely avoided being funny for the sake of being bitter. Everyone loves bitterness, afterall. I’m sure it will serve your party well next month.

Anyone else care to try and amuse me here? Come on, there’s so much ammo. This is the perfect opportunity to cherry pick and generalize to your hearts content. Just because PETRO fumbled the ball on the opening drive doesn’t mean there is not a whole game to be played. Dont dissappoint me. I want to see the partisan poop fly in this thread.

Posted by: Kevin23 at October 17, 2006 2:01 PM
Comment #188584

Sounds like rententive D.K.S. syndrome which usually afflicts people who retentively Don’t Know Sh*t anyway but unfortunately can’t shut up. There might even be a few around here as most conservatives have already contracted it by proxy of their own irresponsible and illogical ideology. LOL.

The only means of protection for someone who isn’t at risk to contract it is to carry a wide-pan sh*t-shovel on your person. This seems to deter it from forming—knowing what the hell you are talking about helps too.

Posted by: Laredo at October 17, 2006 2:15 PM
Comment #188586
Liberalism [is] a Disease that attacks the Brain first and then the Spine.

Odd disease: it doesn’t affect their ability to distinguish fact from fiction (WMD in Iraq, Al Qaeda or Saddam) one bit. In fact, I think I’ve got it and my brain functions a lot better than many conservatives I know. Makes me wonder what they’ve come down with!

Posted by: bobo at October 17, 2006 2:25 PM
Comment #188588


How’s this:

Followers of the gay agenda have Analsaurusitis (self explanatory). The abbreviated form of which is also the name of a newly discovered dinosaur.

People who use cigars in place of cunnilingus can get “Cigar tounge” Characterized by blue spots and impeachemnt or white spots if you already have a blue tounge.

What about Petrollism, similar to foot in mouth disease but not as contageous.

sorry, I know these suck but hey, I only had a couple of minutes notice….

Posted by: Dave1-20-09 at October 17, 2006 2:26 PM
Comment #188590

This is the sort of stuff I’d expect to see on Yahoo Message Boards.

Posted by: Charles Adams at October 17, 2006 2:36 PM
Comment #188592

I have to agree Charles, not only was it really not funny (I’m a huge fan of Jon Stewart, Dennis Miller, Scrappleface and South Park, good political humor is always appreciated) but it really doesn’t seem to be an article that would normally be up to Watchblog standards IMO.

Come on Ray, the original premise was potentially funny but the delivery was really a let down. :(

Posted by: Rhinehold at October 17, 2006 2:44 PM
Comment #188595

So, let me get this straight…this disease only affects people who vote republican? I see it on both sides, the only difference is a slight word change using “Atheism” for “theocracy”.

This is right up your alley…

Posted by: Cliff at October 17, 2006 2:46 PM
Comment #188594

mr. guest - thanks for the chuckle.

Posted by: mar at October 17, 2006 2:46 PM
Comment #188620

would have been funnier without the half dozen misspellings.
AND the predictability,
AND the fact you guys are about to get your asses handed to you.

Posted by: Observer at October 17, 2006 4:32 PM
Comment #188624

“Dennis Miller”

Sorry, rhiney, but Miller hasn’t been funny since he started riding around in bush’s limo.

Posted by: observer at October 17, 2006 4:35 PM
Comment #188625


I used to be with you on that one until I saw him on Stewart. He still has it, when he’s not being a sheep that is.

Posted by: Dave1-20-09 at October 17, 2006 4:39 PM
Comment #188627

Sorry Observer, but just because you disagree with someone doesn’t mean they aren’t funny. Not that I’ve seen many who can laugh at their own political views though… :(

Posted by: Rhinehold at October 17, 2006 4:46 PM
Comment #188628

” He still has it, when he’s not being a sheep that is.”

Hey, I loved him before he got all one sided. He lost his edge and replaced it with bitterness. Probably same reason there aren’t any conservative political satire/joke shows (unless you count Fox news)
Political jokes are less funny when your affilitated with one side or the other.
Maybe he’s realizing this since his show got cancelled?

Posted by: Observer at October 17, 2006 4:47 PM
Comment #188629

“Sorry Observer, but just because you disagree with someone doesn’t mean they aren’t funny.”

Has nothing to do with disagreeing with him. Maybe supporting the Iraq invasion and bush’s FUBAR administration just isn’t that funny anymore? He replaced clever with bitter.

Posted by: Observer at October 17, 2006 4:52 PM
Comment #188635

Here are some of the consequences of this disease—read ‘em and laugh.

Posted by: Tim Crow at October 17, 2006 5:19 PM
Comment #188638

Rhinehold, c’mon, give Ray a break. It was a quick chuckle, you gotta admit. Especially the cognitive characteristics part. Here’s more “effects”:

And…Not a big Dennis Miller fan here. MNF killed any shred of hope. And I didn’t think he was that good on Stewart…good for him, maybe. Now Musharraf…he was good on Stewart.

Posted by: Kevin23 at October 17, 2006 5:37 PM
Comment #188639


It’s a start. But, I think you can do better.

Posted by: Kevin23 at October 17, 2006 5:38 PM
Comment #188642

Ray, you know what I heard is the most poignant and tragic thing about contracting Gonorrhea Lectim?
There isn’t any fun to be had in the transmission, it’s over in about three minutes, and afterward, the transmitter immediately reaches for the remote to watch several screaming hours of Fox News. :^0

Posted by: Adrienne at October 17, 2006 6:12 PM
Comment #188645

Be very careful guys, especially you young ones. There is an especially harmful affliction going around called the Grand Old Pervert, or GOP, disease. People who are afflicted show signs of “over friendliness” towards teenagers and have an innate overwhelming curiousity on how long a minor’s genitalia is.

Be wary though because there are still many people who deny the existence of this disease, the largest (and I mean literally) of them being Dennis Hastart.

Posted by: greenstuff at October 17, 2006 6:23 PM
Comment #188651

Just to get on another tangent, I once made this up. I actually put it on a stickey note.
If you can read this, you’re not illiterate George W. Bush

Posted by: SUM1 at October 17, 2006 7:09 PM
Comment #188652

I don’t know, it was kinda funny at the time, and I hope it still is. Even though it has nothing to do with Gonorrhea Lectim

Posted by: SUM1 at October 17, 2006 7:10 PM
Comment #188653

I actually found this on a link from My Yahoo! It’s kinda ironic because you guys were hanging on Yahoo! before. |=^Þ

Posted by: SUM1 at October 17, 2006 7:14 PM
Comment #188661

Funny !

I had that disease.

But I’m now cured.

There’s only one cure:

  • (1) Take off partistan blinders.

  • Avoid being seduced into distracting, petty partisan warfare.

  • Think out-of-the-blinding-party-loyalty box.

  • Reject the myth that the problem is only the “IN PARTY”. That myth is fueled by the “OUT PARTY”.

  • Look at what YOUR incubments are doing (or not doing).

  • Ignore the Hot-Button issues, such as flag-burning, filabustering, amending the Constitution to ban gay-marraige, etc. None of that will matter if we ignore some much more serious issues.

  • Learn about the total Federal debt ($22 trillion). Ignorance is no excuse. The fiscal picture is dismal, and has the real potential to [explicative] up everything. Also look at total nation-wide debt (over $42 trillion).

  • Ask yourself: “Is this 90% re-election rate thing working?

  • Look at the nightmarish size of government. What the [explicative] is up with that [explicative]?

  • Look at the falling median wages since 1999.

  • Look at the increasing foreclosures, nation-wide for over a year.

  • Look at the the bubbles created by massive borrowing, debt, spending, and money-printing.

  • Look at the true differences (or similarities) between both parties.

  • Recognize that many won’t even reach this line, because they’ve already been turned off, because they can not over-come the extremely effective, blinding, distracting, seductive partisan brainwashing and petty partisan warfare. There’s a reason politicians love to fuel the petty partisan warfare.

  • Look at the pork-barrel, waste, graft, and corporate welfare the incumbent politicians vote for while our U.S. troops risk life and limb, go without body armor, medical care, and basic needs.

  • Look at the direction of the nation. Do you like it? If not, how does re-electing irresponsible, bought-and-paid-for, look-the-other-way incumbents going to change it? It won’t. Haven’t you yet figured out that incumbent politicians don’t give a [explicative] [explicative] about you, or your children? Irresponsible incumbent politicians ONLY care about preserving their power, their opportunities for self-gain, and the security of their cu$hy, coveted seats of power.

There’s more, but that is sufficient for now.

Keep re-electing irresponsible incumbent politicians, and see where the [explicativce] it gets you.

When the [explicative] hits the fan, you will ONLY have yourself to thank for it, because the majority of Americans keep right on lazily pulling that party lever, re-electing the very same incumbents stickin’ it to you. Go figure. That’s why they call it the “Gonorrhea Lectim” (i.e. pronounced “gonna re-elect him.”) disease.

Posted by: d.a.n at October 17, 2006 7:57 PM
Comment #188665


Thanks for the vote of confidence! I don’t know how well deserved it is but I promise not to give up my day job…and you’re right about Musharraf. He was very entertaining, even for a military dictator.

Posted by: Dave1-20-09 at October 17, 2006 8:08 PM
Comment #188670

Thanks all,

Just a clarification for emphasis. I did not write this. I wish I had but I didn’t. I wish that I knew who did so that I could credit them appropriately.

Posted by: Ray Guest at October 17, 2006 8:22 PM
Comment #188672

Did ya hear the one about the five surgeons discussing the best patients to operate on?

The 1st surgeon says: “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”

The 2nd responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside them is color coded.”

The 3rd surgeon says, “I prefer librarians. Everything inside is in alphabetical order!

The 4th surgeon chimes in, “I like construction workers. Those guys don’t really mind when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.”

The 5th surgeon shut them all up when he observed, “No. Hands down, politicians are by far the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable.”

Posted by: d.a.n at October 17, 2006 8:43 PM
Comment #188684

Alcohol can be addicting.
Alcoholism is a disease.

Politics can be addicting too.
Partisanship is a disease.

I’d like to see what would happen if someone put together a campaign to get people to unregister themselves from parties.
Too many people think they have to vote for a certain party, and some take it to the point where they don’t even pay attention to the views of the individual candidates.

There needs to be less talk about what the parties (supposedly) stand for and more talk about what the actual candidates stand for. It’s worse than ever in this election.

Right now, the parties don’t care who is running for them, just as long as they get the majority. I think the “leadership” of both parties will be shocked to find that the new congressmen aren’t as “liberal” or “conservative” as they would like.
At least, that’s what I hope. Maybe the new guys will be more inclined to think the issues out, rather than toeing the party line.

Posted by: TheTraveler at October 17, 2006 10:04 PM
Comment #188718

Not to be confused with Gonorrhea Rectim, an even rarer disease.

Posted by: Philippe Houdoin at October 18, 2006 5:42 AM
Comment #188742

Thanks for your constructive comment, Jason.

Posted by: Philippe Houdoin at October 18, 2006 9:46 AM
Comment #188747

HaHa, Jeez a lot of rightousness here. Oh well, I guess that’s what you’d expect at a windbag site. You know your gonna use it somewhere down the line, but I ain’t Gonnarhea electum.

Posted by: gergle at October 18, 2006 10:19 AM
Comment #188817

Have you heard of MAD Politician Disease ?
It’s been traced to a Capitol Hill outbreak of tainted campaign contributions.
I think Howard Dean had this disease, as evidenced once by a strange out-burst.

Then, there’s the Poli-TIC-ian disease (not to be confused with Lyme Tic disease).
The symptoms are as follows. This disease is rampant in the U.S. “Poli” means “many”, and “tic” means “blood-sucking parasite”; hence, many blood sucking parasites. So, you can imagine how devastating this disease is as they continue to suck us all dry, day after day, median incomes falling since 1999, foreclosures at record highs, the 1% with most the wealth (now 40%) has never been worse since the Great Depression of 1929, unnecessary war, numerous massive blunders, government FOR SALE, massive borrowing, debt, spending, waste, amd rampant money-printing.

If you contract this disease, see the cure above. The only cure is abstinence from RE-electing irresponsible, bought-and-paid-for, look-the-other-way, incumbent Poli-tic-ians.
: )

Posted by: d.a.n at October 18, 2006 4:45 PM
Comment #188821

HAHAHAHA! Nice one d.a.n. I liked that surgeon thingy. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! By the way, who liked my thingy? With the illiterate thingy? Please someone say they liked it? Pleeeeeeez?

Posted by: SUM1 at October 18, 2006 4:57 PM
Comment #188837
SUM1 wrote: If you can read this, you’re not illiterate George W. Bush

That’s funny!
You should mass produce them and sell ‘em.
Maybe George W. Bush is a functional illiterate?
But, then, what do they mean by “functional illiterate”?
Since when was illiterate functional?

Posted by: d.a.n at October 18, 2006 6:16 PM
Comment #188896

“the head and butt are interchangeable”

And the winner by a head is…………

Really d.a.n. brought in the blue ribbon here, but it was good to see a bit of slightly light hearted banter.

I do think though we should be telling more jokes about those who continue to elect idiots, perverts, and thieves. Just how long can we be fooled?


Posted by: KansasDem at October 18, 2006 11:55 PM
Comment #189042

I find it hilarious that ANYONE for ANY REASON would actually feel as if any Dem or Rep, Cons or Lib, if elected, would actually make a difference. There is equal blame for all and no one is above criticism for the jobs they are failing to do. Everyones main problem is they are too concerned with being a Dem, Rep, Cons or Lib and in the process we all are being f***ed! I find evidence for this opinion right here. Look inside yourself and you will find the problems that are destroying us all!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: DrKing at October 19, 2006 4:33 PM
Comment #189053

And I thought I was cynical. I’m half agreeing with Dr. King, and half wanting to wave an american flag.

Posted by: Kevin23 at October 19, 2006 4:52 PM
Comment #238210

I origanally thought this was about Std’s but this is much better. That was a great idea love it!!

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