Democrats & Liberals Archives

Life in These Times (Attempted Humor*)

Despite “help” from his buddy George Bush, Republican Jerry Kilgore lost the Virginia gubernatorial election by a colossal** six percent margin. Word is Bush is standing on Pennsylvania Ave. this morning with a sign saying “I’LL ENDORSE FOR FOOD”.

The Wall Street Journal launched a pre-emptive strike yesterday by declaring that if anyone else from White House gets indicted, it will be “for some lame-assed pseudo-crime like perjury”. The New York Times is expected to respond by saying that future indictments will be hard-hitting and substantive.

Meanwhile, Scott McClellan is reading “How to Be a Better Liar in 30 Minutes a Day”.

The White House staff has to attend classes on ethics. Frank Luntz will be hosting a session on “How to Sound Ethical”. (Is that too plausible to be funny?)

Advocates for the “mentally retarded” are struggling to come up with a term that doesn't (yet) have a negative connotation. In other words, they need a name that isn't so retarded-sounding.

If they are really hard up for suggestions, I nominate “Bush voters”.

Oops, that already sounds pretty bad, doesn't it?

In my schooldays, the euphemism du jour was “special”. You could have really cracked us up in those days if you said “Our president is a special human being.” Now the kids would cry.

Paris has been hit by rioting young people of African ancestry. American conservatives have been gleefully putting out that nothing like that ever happens here. I mean, it hasn't happened in weeks. In WEEKS, pal.

Alito is Italian for “breath, puff”. This is also an educational feature.

Predictions are that the Alito hearings will be long and contentious. I disagree. All he has to do is say, “I haven't made up my mind about Roe vs. Wade”. And wink.

Two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were arrested after they were caught having sex in a public restroom. Bill Clinton hailed them as civil rights heroes and vowed to visit them in prison.

*I have learned from experience that I if I write something that isn't true, no matter how absurd, I need to put a disclaimer on it. (These are irresponsible lies! What if people REALLY BELIEVED that Dick Cheney ran away to play the Chickenhawk in a circus menagerie?!) So now you have been warned that not everything is true. If you aren't sure, it is easy to check. For example, if I write that our prez told FEMA to make extra sure that Colin Powell doesn't get caught in a hurricane, just google "Bush + evacuates + Colin".

**When Bush beat Kerry by 3%, I learned from colleagues on the Right that that is a massive victory margin. So 6% is just incredible. When Clinton beat Dole by 8%, the orbit of the Earth changed.

Posted by Woody Mena at November 9, 2005 6:01 AM
Comments
Comment #91348

Woody

I wouldn’t laugh too long or too loud if I were you,partner.

As much as you hate to hear this,the president bottomed out last week.

New Jersey had a Democratic governor yesterday morning and it does today too.Big deal.Dems are celebrating for not losing the job,which is sad.

These elections mean about as much as they do in ‘01,which is pretty much nothing.

Woody,if I were you,I would turn my eyes a bit east to Europe.

What is happening in France is the biggest event since September 11.Bigger than any other single issue .

Maybe you don’t yet see it,but the disaffected Muslim youth in neighboring countries Belguim,Holland,Germany,England….all are now empowered.

This,my friend,will be an issue..a big issue…as time moves on….

Chirac has kissed the arses of every Muslim country for years,opened the flood gates there where now 5.1 million Muslims live(many,by the way now French citizens) and had failed miserably understanding what assimilation is all about.

Four weeks ago the French press was calling America racist over Katerina….look at them now.

As this European insurection grow(yes,that is what I said),a significant and growing percentage of Europeans will look at the president’s policy a little differently.

Joe Wilson is now under attack.According to reports last night,a former military commander came forward and said that Wilson casually mentioned to him months before this fiasco that his wife worked for the “agency”.This story now has a few more chapters to it.

In 5 weeks the elections occur in Iraq.Capping a year when a constitution was ratified and a government was freely elected.

Americians will grieve every lost American life.But after putting things into prespective,that is after realizing that last year in America 16,800 homicides took place in America’s 18 largest cities and 50,000 were killed on our nations highways,that the high price being paid in Iraq is the cost of freedom.

As the ecomomy continues to improve, as more jobs are created ,as the borders get sealed,watch the poll numbers rise.

Most importantly,keep thoese eyes peeled east.What happens there the next six months will be the biggest issue on the next election.

My view,anyway.


Posted by: sicilianeagle at November 9, 2005 6:48 AM
Comment #91353

SE,

You give me so much to work with I don’t know where to begin.

First of all, just a few weeks ago, conservatives were talking about the civil unrest in New Orleans and bemoaning the decline of our civilization. Now there is civil unrest in France, and it proves how much better we are.
Which is it, guys?

Regardless, Americans don’t care about domestic problems in France. Period.

I don’t mind hearing you say that the president bottomed out, because you have no evidence.

Joe Wilson has literally been under attack for years.

George Bush as a better chance of going to the Moon before 2009 than sealing the borders.

Posted by: Woody Mena at November 9, 2005 7:52 AM
Comment #91354

Heh. Good one about the cheerleaders, Woody. The Frank Lutz ethics session is pretty good too.

SE, you’re going to be disappointed that the France thing isn’t the big Muslim uprising you want it to be. It’s winding down because there is no underlying ideology behind it. It’s hooliganism.

And thanks for repeating the party line on the NJ and VA Democratic victories. Here’s my take: The Republican Party has destroyed its own revolution. 2004 was the highwater mark. Americans are fed up with the crap. Marital infidelity is one thing, but incompetence, corruption, criminal behavior, and idiotic ideological crusading are totally unacceptable.

Posted by: American Pundit at November 9, 2005 7:53 AM
Comment #91359

Se


“Americians will grieve every lost American life.But after putting things into prespective,that is after realizing that last year in America 16,800 homicides took place in America’s 18 largest cities and 50,000 were killed on our nations highways,that the high price being paid in Iraq is the cost of freedom.”

I would venture to guess that not one of those 50,000 were killed by a roadside bomb, and those that were the perpetrators of the homicides will not be summarily executed after a trial before their peers.

All this sunshine that is being generated by our hand picked “elected” government in Iraq, only delays the inevitable, and in no way enhances the security of the United States.

Posted by: Rocky at November 9, 2005 7:57 AM
Comment #91373

I would also mention that the Republicans have shown themselves to be no more competent to run the country than the Democrats.

Posted by: Rocky at November 9, 2005 8:18 AM
Comment #91376

Woody

I voted for Kilgore (in VA) and am sorry he lost, but there were many issues involved. Don’t read too much into the Old Dominion except this: if you Dems want to win in 2008 look to a moderate southern governor. You could do worse than Mark Warner. Where did Clinton come from? For that matter, Jimmy Carter. Anyone who can remember when a Northern liberal became president … well they are older than most of us. If you run a Kerry or Dean, you lose AND create even more acrimony.

This election gave the Dems some good news. If you learn the proper lesson, you may win again. But I have confidence that you will draw the conclusion that the lefty stuff is working. Look at Tim Kaine’s TV adds and tell me what you see.

Posted by: Jack at November 9, 2005 8:22 AM
Comment #91393

sicilianeagle…”These elections mean about as much as they do in ‘01,which is pretty much nothing.”

Forgive me for appearing premuptuous, but I doubt you would have the same conviction had the Republicans claimed victory last night. If they had, you would no doubt be telling us that it’s just another example of how this country doesn’t want to elect anyone from a party with no vision, no values, no plans, etc. But please do correct me if I’m wrong.

The fact is, these elections were a huge slap embarrasment to the GOP and the Bush administration. They were a baraometer of how the rank and file GOP is viewed these days — and everyone knows it. In VA, Kilgore compared Kaine to Hitler…and lost by over 100,000 votes (over 5%). In NJ, Forrester used Corzine’s ex-wife to slam the Democrat….and lost by over 10%. In CA, each one of Arnold’s ballot initiatives lost…a 100% failure. In your words, I would not say that these facts “pretty much mean nothing.”

This country is starting to wake up to the far right hypocrisy of the GOP in general and the failed political leadership of our President in particular, and last night’s solid Democratic victories are partial proof of that.

Posted by: Mister Magoo at November 9, 2005 8:49 AM
Comment #91426

LOL, Woody. Great post! Obviously, SOMETHING changed, because SEagle is now using sentences longer than five words! ;-)

Posted by: ElliottBay at November 9, 2005 9:45 AM
Comment #91432

I’d say that we DEMS can take a bit on encouragement from yesterday - use it for motivation in 2006… then completely forget about the past. Nothing we read or feel today guarantees success next year.

Posted by: tony at November 9, 2005 9:51 AM
Comment #91441

Jack wrote:

if you Dems want to win in 2008 look to a moderate southern governor. You could do worse than Mark Warner. Where did Clinton come from? For that matter, Jimmy Carter. Anyone who can remember when a Northern liberal became president … well they are older than most of us.

Jack, while you make a valid point that the last non-Southern Democrat to be elected was over 40 years ago, you also need to consider how close Kerry came to winning. When you consider Dukakis’ abysmal showing (due at least in part to abysmal campaining), the appeal of northern dems has been getting stronger.

Kerry arguably would have won if he’d had someone like Bill Nelson of Florida as his running mate (I argued from day one that Edwards didn’t bring anything to the campaign). Mark Warner may be a wise choice for the democratic nominee in 2008, but imagine if he’d been on Kerry’s or Gore’s ticket?

Posted by: Steve K at November 9, 2005 10:07 AM
Comment #91442
First of all, just a few weeks ago, conservatives were talking about the civil unrest in New Orleans and bemoaning the decline of our civilization. Now there is civil unrest in France, and it proves how much better we are.

The real test for France will be not that the riots happened but how the country learns from them.

Bush responded to the situation in New Orleans by talking about the problems of poverty in the country, then followed with the Republican Congress cutting food stamps and other welfare programs. Pure hypocracy. I suspect that the French learn the lesson better that Americans.

Posted by: Steve K at November 9, 2005 10:11 AM
Comment #91446

Steve K,

Yeah Bush’s War on Poverty lasted about a week. I guess you could say he “cut and ran”.

Posted by: Woody Mena at November 9, 2005 10:19 AM
Comment #91453

Woody - Oui!

Posted by: tony at November 9, 2005 10:58 AM
Comment #91458

Steve

The French riots have been going on for nearly two weeks. Slow learners.

The Europeans in general and the French in particular have done a terrible job with immigrants. Most of what we can learn from them is what NOT to do.

Re southern governors

Kerry didn’t come that close (51% to 48%). And it was the first time anyone won a majority since 1988. And the Republicans added to their majorities in the House and Senate (something that had not happened for the ruling party since 1936).

I don’t want to overhype Mark Warner, but he enjoys an 80% approval rating in a state the leans Republican. If he had stood too close to Kerry, he might have been tainted. Kerry just wasn’t a good candidate and he was from Massachusetts.

Warner is from Virginia, which is a big plus. Virginia is a very diverse state, economically, ethnically, politically and socially. It also is a fairly well run state.

Of course, you can consider the source (a Republican in Virginia) of this advice. If the Dems win in 2008, I would prefer a moderate with a track record of actually running something.

Let me mention one more thing that Dems might learn from Virginia. Tim Kaine won by running as the moderate successor to a moderate and popular governor. On the same ballot Bill Bolling (who is very conservative) beat Leslie Byrne (who is very liberal) for lieutenant governor. What is interesting is NOT so much their politics, but that some of the same people who voted for Kaine split their ticket to vote for Bolling.

Mark Twain warned against learning more than a lesson has to teach. “The cat,” he said, “who sits on a hot stove, will never sit on a hot stove again. But he won’t sit on a cold stove either.”

Posted by: Jack at November 9, 2005 11:23 AM
Comment #91484

Some amusing post-election spin from Slate:

Some of the wins were progressive and others reactionary. Yet the dominant theme was that even when individual incumbents did not triumph, the existing power structure tended to prevail. That is not such good news for Democrats heading into 2006 who hope to recover Congressional seats or even gain control of a chamber.

So in other words, the Democrats should be worried because they won.

Posted by: Woody Mena at November 9, 2005 1:33 PM
Comment #91495

Woody, wonderful!

Let me add to the merriment by talking of what happened to Bush’s clone in California. We nixed everything Schwarzenegger presented in his special election. Now Schwarzenegger is talking about “seeking common ground”! He thinks that he and the legislatuer should talk to each other!

Posted by: Paul Siegel at November 9, 2005 1:56 PM
Comment #91506

—-
Wacko tree huggers greenpeace damage another coral reef. Suprise its every ones fault but their own. (I am a member of the ASPCA ie not wakcos like PETA and greenpeace). - http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/4395572.stm
—-

You have a very twisted way of seeing the world. I know greenpeace well. I’ve worked for them - and my best friend from High School runs the US Greenpeace office. The whole point was the damaged caused by the maps so out-of-date… damage done by them as well as damage before this incident. (Not trying to find some sort of blame.)

Maybe they should’ve just paid the fine and gone away - why worry or try to prevent more identicle accidents in the future (if I read your point right…)

Posted by: tony at November 9, 2005 2:16 PM
Comment #91507

Jack,

The French riots have been going on for nearly two weeks. Slow learners.

The Europeans in general and the French in particular have done a terrible job with immigrants. Most of what we can learn from them is what NOT to do.

Give the Europeans more than a couple of weeks. Immigration is very new to most of Europe. They haven’t seen this scale of immigration since … well … the Barbarian invasions?

Kerry didn’t come that close (51% to 48%). And it was the first time anyone won a majority since 1988. And the Republicans added to their majorities in the House and Senate (something that had not happened for the ruling party since 1936).

I guess it depends on what you mean by “close.” I find 51% to 48% close. Certainly not the kind of re-election majorities Nixon or Reagan got.

And yes, the Republicans added to their majorities in both houses of Congress. They also added in 1972 and 1984, when they were in the minority. I don’t believe most voters go into the voting both thinking they are voting majority or minority. They are voting for their party, or for the incumbent whose district is protected with Gerrymandering, or to throw the bum out. In 2004 the change wasn’t much, and part of it was the Texas redistricting. Despite Bush’s and the Republican majority in Congress, the Federal elections remain pretty evenly divided.

Posted by: Steve k at November 9, 2005 2:19 PM
Comment #91510

Steve - I’d agree with you on most points… except you said the elections were basically even—- I think they’ve been basically ignored. More people watched the Superbowl… but then again, you don’t have to go anywhere to do that.

I’ve been amazed at how few people make the actual difference in any given election. A local official I supported here won by 11 points. In an off-year, local-only election, that came down to about 800 people… out of a potential 110,000 voters.

Posted by: tony at November 9, 2005 2:28 PM
Comment #91512

Woody

I bemoaned nothing two weeks ago.The French accused America of racism,as did Jesse Jackson,so I am afraid I do not understand what you are saying.


I also think that you are missing the boat big time if you think that what’s going on in France is a domestic problem.

It’s not.

It’s a symptom of what is wrong with the French.

And Europe.

On the Bush poll numbers…let’s wait a bit on that,ok..plus on the Yellowcake Wilson thing too.

Shortly I think the other shoe will drop on him.

Pundit.
Nice hearing from you.See above comment.
But seriously…you guys are chirping about retaing tow seats you already had…..geez.

Rocky
Are you parsing out statistics?Let me tell you something…in America last year,at least 2500 people were killed at least as brutally as some in the war.Check out the Nationial Chief of Police web site for very enlightening stats.

Mr. Magoo
Let’s wait a bit befoe we wave the white flag.
This is a marathon,not a sprint.

Posted by: Sicilianeagle at November 9, 2005 2:37 PM
Comment #91522

Somehow this thread got off of the humor part…Woody, you might enjoy this. I think the author of this site does a pretty good job at making me smile most days.

http://catdaddyanddrsqueeky.blogspot.com/2005/11/blog-post_06.html

See? Even I can get humor…sometimes…

:-)

Posted by: Lisa Renee at November 9, 2005 3:09 PM
Comment #91539

Steve K

You are right that the Euros have little experience. I expect they will learn. I hope not too late. The point is, however, that they are not good at it now. If such things were happening in the U.S. the international media and our own would be all over it calling it a failure of Bush, the U.S. etc. The fact is, the U.S. is very good at integrating immigrants. Probably the best around. It is a hard thing to do. The Europeans can learn from us and we should learn from our successful past.

It would be useful for the Europeans to create a few jobs for all these idle young guys. Since the 1970s, the U.S. has created 57 million jobs; the Europeans - all the Europeans - managed only 4 million. If that happened in the U.S. what would we say? With that kind of economy NOT driving the world, how prosperous would the world be.

Speaking of not noticing and making excuses, remember a couple years ago more than 10,000 French citizens died because of a heat wave. Less than 1/10 of that many Americans died in a natural disaster that devastated an area as large as the UK. Which one got the most notice and which one do you think was called a breakdown civilization?

We are held to a higher standard, but come on. Some comparisons are in order.

Speaking of comparisons, you are right that it depends on what you mean by close. I bet if Kerry had won by that much, you would have called it significant.

No democrat has received a bigger percentage since 1964 and that was an anomaly caused by the Kennedy assassination. Before that you have to go back to FDR. So unless you want to dis Truman, Kennedy, Carter and Clinton, you have to call Bush’s win significant.

Reagan was the last president to win a really big mandate that is true. But maybe we won’t get such a popular president again for awhile.

Of course, Reagan’s immense popularity didn’t stop the Dems from trying to create a myth that he didn’t really represent the people. The new myth is that Bush somehow didn’t win either.

Posted by: Jack at November 9, 2005 3:54 PM
Comment #91549

Friends let us all join liberal hands for a victory dance, and rejoice in the GOP implosion!

Kaine Wins Virginia governorship!
Corzine Wins New Jersey governorship!
Kilpatrick Wins Mayor of Detroit!
Mallory Wins Mayor of Cincinnati!
Jackson Wins Mayor of Cleveland!
Rybak Wins Mayor of Minneapolis!
Coleman Wins Mayor of St. Paul!
All 4 of Ah-nold’s propositions go down in flames in Cali-fornia!
(sh*t, he wasted millions on an unnecessary special election) :^/
Oh, and all eight Intelligent Design proponents on the Dover, Pa. School Board were swept from office!

Yay!!! :^D

Posted by: Adrienne at November 9, 2005 4:06 PM
Comment #91554

Adrienne

Go ahead. We had it going our way last year. Next year, who knows. Things happen fast in politics. The people, by our democratic definition, elect the right people until they elect someone else.

Posted by: Jack at November 9, 2005 4:16 PM
Comment #91563
The fact is, the U.S. is very good at integrating immigrants. Probably the best around.

Absolutely agreement from me. American culture is arguably the only culture you can actually join — and influence. Therein lies a big difference between the U.S. and Europe. As for the heat wave, European culture never really embraced air conditioning.

I bet if Kerry had won by that much, you would have called it significant.

NOt me; but then, I’m not one of the talking heads on TV.


The new myth is that Bush somehow didn’t win either.

Come on Jack — Dems only said that after 2000 — not 2004!

Posted by: Steve K at November 9, 2005 4:33 PM
Comment #91568
Oh, and all eight Intelligent Design proponents on the Dover, Pa. School Board were swept from office!

In my opinion, this tiny election was probably the most significant one held yesterday. The voters seem to have realized that so-called intelligent design is not science but religion masquerading around with scientific sounding words.

Posted by: Steve K at November 9, 2005 4:43 PM
Comment #91578

One of the interesting things about the election in Virginia is that prior to the election we had a Democratic Governor and a Democratic Lt. Governor.

Post election we have a Democratic Governor which represents no party change but the Republican candidate for Lt. overnor defeated the Democratic candidate for Lt. Governor.

Also, in 2001, the Democrat won the election for Governor with 52% of the vote and the losing Republican had 47% of the vote. In 2004, the winning Democrat got the same 52% of the vote and the losing Republican got 46% of the vote.

The big winner here is the Independent candidate who doubled his % of the vote from 1% in 2001 to 2% in 2004. That’s progress.

Posted by: steve smith at November 9, 2005 5:10 PM
Comment #91603

Just a few comments.

Bush 51% Kerry48%. Kerry did lose, but I’m not sure is loss means we have to put a southern moderate Dem in the next election to win. Kerry got more votes than any Democrat in history. Yes he lost, but he got more votes than Gore in 2000, who got more votes than Bush. (Not trying to bring up 2000 election. I understand the electorial college. Just saying the Dems can put a number of people up to run in 2008.

Clinton did win in 1992 and 1996, but he never got 50% of the vote. And he was a southern Dem.

Also if the Republicans didn’t think Virginia was worth anything, Bush would not have campained for their candidate. Here in California, Bush came to a fund raiser two weeks ago and Arnold wouldn’t attend because he didn’t want to be seen with Bush. They also refused to have Bush campain for him or take a position on any of the propostitions we had out here. Just food to ponder.

Posted by: Rusty at November 9, 2005 5:57 PM
Comment #91609

“Adrienne
Go ahead.”

Okay! :^x

“We had it going our way last year. Next year, who knows. Things happen fast in politics. The people, by our democratic definition, elect the right people until they elect someone else.”

Jack, I think you guys are going to need a miracle.

Steve K
“Dems only said that after 2000 — not 2004!”

Gore won. In 2004, we really don’t know what happened in Ohio because so many factors (and the actions of people in charge) were highly suspicious and there was no in depth investigation. How do you verify if votes have been changed on computers, if you have no papertrail? Answer: You can’t.
2004 will remain a permanent question mark.

Rusty:
“Just food to ponder.”

I’ve reached the conclusion that Bushco is now completely Toxic to the GOP.

Posted by: Adrienne at November 9, 2005 6:17 PM
Comment #91620

Adrienne

Don’t you know that God provides us miracles because every one of us is a holy Joe or Jane?

In any case, I was talking a political philosophy, not a prediction for the future. If you believe in democracy, you believe that the currently elected government is the correct and legitimate one. You also know it will change. It is sort of like the price of a stock. The price is always right at the time you buy or sell it. That doesn’t mean it won’t change tomorrow and be the correct one then too.

I trust the long term will of the people. The Republicans were the people’s choice last time. Next time I don’t know. There is no sure thing in life and no final victory in politics.

Posted by: Jack at November 9, 2005 6:56 PM
Comment #91717
If you believe in democracy, you believe that the currently elected government is the correct and legitimate one.

Jack,

Not sure what you are driving at here… Are you saying that ALL US elections, are, a priori, legitimate? Isn’t it at least possible to steal an election?

You certainly can’t mean that all elected governments, anywhere, are legitimate. Saddam Hussein was elected. (Not a fair election, of course, but that just gets back to my previous point.)

Posted by: Woody Mena at November 10, 2005 7:46 AM
Comment #91853

Woody

I am not venturing into the foreign election realm.

It is possible to steal an election even in the U.S. I don’t believe that has happened in any big race recently.

I am talking more of the theory of democracy, not the practical counting. And I am thinking of it just like I do of a stock price. It is always right at the time. The fact that it will change soon doesn’t matter. There is no use talking about its “real” value. The real value is what you have. If the Dems win in 2008, they will be the real and best choice for the U.S. Just like Bush was in 2004. Just like a stock price, you don’t have to like it, but that is the way it is.

Posted by: Jack at November 10, 2005 4:18 PM
Comment #91951

Jack,

If you will forgive a pretentious literary reference, you sound like Dr. Pangloss in Voltaire’s Candide: all is for the best in this best of all possible worlds.

Posted by: Woody Mena at November 11, 2005 7:39 AM
Comment #91987

Woody

I love literary references. Never appologize for being educated. Although I never cared for Voltaire.

I believe in being a practical Pangloss.

We should be pessimistic when thinking about our plans, but optimistic when implementing them.

Beyond that, I recognize that thing are NEVER going to work out all the time, but we always have some options. If we stop believing that, then we are finished. And even in the worst situations, we should keep our own goals straight.

Are you familiar with Viktor Frankl? He wrote a book called “Man’s Search for Meaning” He talks about the fact that no matter how bad off a person is, he always has some options about how he will react. You might think that Frankl didn’t know what it was like to have troubles, but he developed this theory while a prisoner in a Nazi death camp.

Americans, even the poorest Americans have a lot of options. The reasons they don’t exercise them is because they don’t know how or won’t take the time. Behaviorally based poverty is the bottom line. You can’t eliminate poverty without changing the behavior of the poor.

Posted by: Jack at November 11, 2005 10:32 AM
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