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Cheney Throws Chair at Heckler

Cleveland resident Ivana Gethit says that she wanted to make sure she got a good seat at the Bush-Cheney campaign rally so she could give the Vice President “some good-natured ribbing”. Unfortunately, her shouted question “Where’s Osama?” provoked Cheney to throw a chair, labeled “A Compassionate Agenda for Strong Times”, in her direction. Bouncing off of the head of the local spelling bee winner, the chair struck her in the nose.

Vice President Cheney was unrepentant after the incident, stating, “All you neocon-haters best step off. Whoever messes with me ain’t gonna be feelin’ right. That’s how I roll. I’ve got a nine, and it’s easy to load.” His spokesman, Shamilez Flak, clarified this last comment, saying that it referred to nine unusually docile cattle on Cheney’s Wyoming Ranch.

Presidential challenger John Kerry, who was campaigning two blocks away, stated that “if Dick Cheney wants to hit me with any furnishings or domestic items, constructed of wood, metal, or synthetic materials, then I have three simple words for him, ‘Bring it on.’” Vice-presidential challenger John Edwards declined to comment on Cheney’s behavior, but suggested that Gethit contact him at 1-800-SUE-4-CASH.

Several prominent Republicans quickly rose to the defense of the Vice President. GOP News Channel contributor Dick Morris hinted that the incident was a setup, stating that “This has Hillary Clinton’s fingerprints all over it.” Republican National Committee chairman Ed Gillespie commented that the incident shows that the Republican ticket is composed of “strong men who know when it’s time to use diplomacy, and when it’s time to open up a can of whoopass.” President Bush indicated that he wasn’t familiar with the facts, but said that he was sure that Cheney’s actions were “from the heart.”

Posted by Woody Mena at September 17, 2004 9:27 AM