Democrats & Liberals Archives

Social Security is on the Moon

We are all saved from the effects of the demise of Social Security in our time; we are going to build a colony on the moon. Look at the benefits, there are no known terrorists on the moon. There are, insofar as we know, no WMD bearing dictators on the moon either. Of course there is no known source of easily accessible water or air there, but then there is no pollution there either. Even better daytime lasts for 14 earth days and nighttime is equally long, so time must pass more slowly there. Then there is the lower gravity which will clearly help keep the sags from affecting us as much as they do here. It is really a lot closer to heaven than anyplace here on earth. Of course we will have to spend a trillion dollars to get the first twenty colonists there. It will probably take another trillion to set them up to support larger numbers. Then there will be the ongoing problems of colonizing a place where no McDonalds is available for half a million miles. But this is surely the way to solve the social security funding problem. Just send Alice to the moon, even if Ralph couldnít do it after all.

Seriously folks, there has to be a way to make the moon into an old folks home in the sky. With the populations of Japan, Europe and the USA all aging fast we need a place to send those troublesome elders. If we can turn NASA into as great a success as AMTRACK it will be easy to get them there. We are sure to gain a lot by doing this and save money at the same time. In the lower gravity there, even grandma will be able to lift a couple hundred pounds with no problem. Everybody will benefit because old folks can keep working longer in such a forgiving environment. And there will be work for everyone there since air and water will have to be built out of basic elements taken from silicon dioxide and various hydrogen compounds. It will be the one place where outsourcing will take a long time to take away the work needed to keep people alive and fed!

What at first looks like another silly attempt to get voters to ignore the problems on earth this year turns out upon reflection to have a lot of merit! Who needs Social Security? Just ship us all to the moon at sixty five. Of course some old stick in the muds will want to stay here in spite of the drawbacks like war and other inconveniences of modern society, but we can always give them a choice that they canít refuse. Something like, go to the moon or be drafted at sixty five; that should convince most of them. The rest can spend their time trying to pacify Afghanistan and Iraq and Iran and North Korea and Syria. Did I miss anybody? At least that will keep the younger folks alive and at home with their kids.

Then there is Mars where there is probably water available underground or in ice caps at the poles. Of course it is colder than Antarctica in the winter and the air is thinner than anywhere on earth but if we conquer the moon Mars will be easy. Then there are the Asteroids out a little further and there is Jupiter with its lovely moons. Both are bound to beckon once we own Mars. I see all of this as just another grand adventure and am waiting to go join up as soon as they declare the colony open for colonists. Of course I might have a little trouble convincing Nene that it is a great idea. She has informed me that she will love me forever as long as it is in California. But I have confidence that she will like the idea once I explain the benefits to her.

I wonder what a ticket will cost, hmm it says here that it will cost our Social Security, but thatís OK, we were never going to convince the next generation to fund our retirement anyway. Not at least to the tune of forty trillion dollars in unfunded liabilities. Of course Medicare has to go too, but with the lower gravity and pure air and water we should be OK. Wait a minute, this is going to be a military Colony from the word go, that doesnít sound so good. Why would we need all of those troops on a safe place like the moon? Blast the fine print, where is the magnifying glass? What is this, the contract for supplies and maintenance is already let to Halliburton? Gollie, those guys really are everywhere, arenít they?

Oh well we will be charter members of the Many Worlds Trade Organization and all it is going to cost us is our total GNP for the first hundred years of the colony. Whatís this, a reverse tariff, that means that the earthlings will be able to tax anything that they send us at any rate deemed fair, by them that is, hmm that doesnít sound so good. Whatís this, that .1 point print is really hard to read, something about providing space in our homes for their troops; that sounds bad. No bill of rights, no constitution at all, what are these guys trying to pull? Itís going to be just like here at home isnít it? Oh well it was too good to be true anyway, I wonder if thereís a time machine laying around anywhere, Iíd like to find my way back to the eighteenth century, I hear that there were a great group of colonies here then. God bless you all and keep you safe in these times of moon colonies and no security here at home.

Posted by Henri Reynard at January 15, 2004 11:31 AM